In my teens; I got good grades, came home before curfew, and never ever got in trouble at school. In my twenties; I diligently studied a subject I love, got a job in a field dedicated to helping others, and tried to set up a foundation for what I thought success should look like. Now, I’m in my thirties: I realize I hated where I was in life – the career I chose, the pressures I put on myself, and a vision of myself that didn’t seem like my own.
So, I’m starting over. I’ve left my career for another professional path. I’ve taken pressure off myself to play up things for social media. I spend quality time with people who fill my cup (and I try to fill theirs, too).
The doubt creeps in just the same. Especially when a decision like this affects finances, professional mobility, and social status markers. Because of this, I’m doing my best to keep myself aligned to why I’m making this change in the first place: to live more aligned to my truest, ideal self. One day, I want to be self-actualized; to know that I did everything I could to reject standards, beliefs, and priorities that weren’t my own.
Some simple reminders while I find my way:
Build My Dream Reality
Recently, I did a journal exercise. First, I visualized and described exactly what my most ideal life looked like. The job I worked, the people surrounding me, my hobbies, my achievements. How would I decorate my home? What am I growing in the garden? Where am I in my career? What’s a typical day, a morning routine? I wrote it all down; there was no wrong answer.
Then, I dissected the brutally honest truth of my reality. How do I feel about my life? What’s my current job trajectory? What’s my social life like? What am I doing for fun, in my spare time? How do I feel about myself, in this moment? It was an assessment of the present, with an aim to pinpoint what needs to change.
Last, I looked at both entries. For the final one, I would write a reality where I’ve incorporated that dream vision into where I am now. I don’t currently live in Europe; but I could decorate my home like an English cottage, embrace that Mediterranean work-life balance. In an ideal world, I’m in a more walkable city; in my reality, I could take walks to the park and the local shop within distance, rather than driving five blocks away.
In the end, I have a kind of map for how my reality can be my dreams. And it grounds me in the present, instead of awaiting some far off future.
Don’t Internalize the Decisions of Others
I’m surrounded by people I admire. They’ve chosen different careers, different lifestyles, and have different ambitions than my own. Some are more conventional, some are less. I know myself; I’m a chronic overthinker. And with that comes comparison. I can easily end up taking on someone’s beliefs or decisions; comparing them to my own, and feeling less than for not achieving the same goals or lifestyle.
I internalize these things. Am I behind because I didn’t pick graduate school? Or because I didn’t move across the country? The questions, and possibilities, are never-ending.
There are endless options in life, and each one can make a life fulfilling. To take on someone else’s decisions and life path can add confusion to my own.
So I listen, and I admire, and I congratulate. But I reframe thoughts of “what if” with affirmations of what I have picked for myself, what that adds to my life, and what options it gives me moving forward.
A Strong Foundation Makes for Easy Pivots
There are some things that transcend a “dream” life. Having financial stability and good mental and physical health mean that those stressful situations can be more carefully managed. I know what I can handle; what lightens my load or makes me spiral.
As long as I am able to support myself financially and can take care of my expenses and debts, starting over to pursue a less conventional path seems a bit less daunting. Similarly, managing good health and meeting fitness goals gives me a sense of accomplishment and some free endorphins that make me feel more capable in a transitional moment in life. So I spend responsibly, go on daily walks, and try to de-stress.
Starting over is scary; feeling behind is normal even when we’ve done everything ‘right.’ I think that these days I’m finding my way back to my true self: things I like, what I want for my life, and the kind of person that I want to become. Keeping all of these things in mind makes me feel more in charge during a period of unforgiving uncertainty. What’s for me is coming my way regardless of what other people think, say, or do.
Little Black Desk 
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